« Don’t confuse me with the particulars! » « I need to find out this from my reality only! » Sound knowledgeable?
Have you noticed how reasons escalate with emotional abusers? They tell you that an item is bothering them with no uncertain terms, although often fail to fill most people in on what the hell it is. So here you are knowing fully the things they feel, yet most people remain in the dark as to why.
To get this message to you, the emotional abuser will pile on another film of attack aimed to stop you in your tracks. It might just sound like this… « Well, that is the logical position, BUT…
You are aware of a « but » is returning and with it is the up coming emotional assault.
It may begin with, « That’s the problem with you… That you are too intense, too convincing, too late with that explanation, too whatever to help you compel me to take most people in and actually hear that you have something to say… worthy of my own attention, much less my attention. » Get the picture?
Each of the mess around « don’t confuse myself with the facts » is simply an effort to re-establish an unequal distribution of power in the relationship. The psychological and mental assault or blow for the character is their efforts to tilt the level, because in that moment they are tasting their own vulnerability.
Then, if you get blessed, they may expand on their concern with you feel this sigh of relief, because right now you have something you can deal with or at least address. Therefore, you seek to share the perspective, your point of view. And wham, you’re cut off by means of, Don’t confuse me while using the facts. My mind comprises.
An important part of how they deal with their exclusive vulnerability is to make you wrong in order for them to be most suitable. As you know, from where they will stand, they must be most suitable. So, don’t confuse them with the facts.
The price you pay is verbal psychological and mental abuse. You know the topic is over, so you pull that back and lick any wounds inspired by the developmental abuse dished out and keep you in your place. If you’re following me in this story of this interaction, then you have probably experienced verbal emotional exploitation. It is both subtle and significant. It leaves most people emotionally off base, usually even before you know what happened.
You sense unheard in that moment because you, indeed, are… You are not granted permission to share. You are not to have an opinion that differs coming from theirs. You see, if you hold on to your point of view, there is a price tag in this interaction with a great emotional abuser.
What sentimental abusers are really telling you can be that there is no room to your reality in a discussion with them. Embracing your viewpoint is beyond them. The truth is, your perspective doesn’t warrant their consideration, because they have previously made up their mind plus they really don’t want you to mix them up with them with your facts.
If this is the pattern in interaction with your intimate spouse, take a hard and fast look at the mother nature of abusive relationships. Any better you grasp these dynamics, the easier it will be for you to break the cycle in abuse before it spirals out of control.
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